[clarke doesn't know for sure what his reasons were for avoiding her but over the last few days her thoughts somehow managed to spiral with how much this had been bothering her. was he feeling guilty over over leaving her? did she say or do something that hurt him? or maybe it was something else entirely from what she doesn't remember or who knows what else since she can't pinpoint what it is specifically.
it sounds like he's about to argue with her and for a moment she does think he's literally going to push her away but she is glad that he doesn't. instead he seems to elaborate about the two years he was on the ring to how he felt losing her all over again in this place and she can't help but find that more than anything his feelings seem to mirror her own while she was on the ground. she had half expected that as one of the possibilities the reason he was avoiding her but hearing it out loud, it only seems to confirm for her what she had always known that her radio calls never do get through despite how she still does it out of habit everyday. she does relax slightly when he squeezes her hand in return but hearing his apology, she just shakes her head and looks up toward as she focuses her glance on him again once again] I didn't think it was because you didn't care but you have nothing to apologize to me for. I didn't think I was going to make it either probably well before that but you remember that conversation we had back in Becca's lab?
[she gives him a half smile at that as she remembers their last real conversation they had, the same one she had meant for as a goodbye at the same time] It turns out you were right all along. I mean, considering you had more hope that the Nightblood solution would work and that nothing would happen to me more than I did.
I think that was one of the first things I thought of when I realized I wasn't going to die after all while wondering if all of you did make it too. [it probably speaks volumes in itself because if anything his words from that definitely had an impact of her too if he happens to pick up on that.] I'm sorry that I wasn't able to make it back in time, to be there with the rest of you but Bellamy— you have to know I don't blame you for not waiting. You did what you had to do and I couldn't be more proud of you for it.
[her expression softens slightly as she just tightens her grip on his hands again as a gesture of reassurance enforcing that she meant word she just said] You know better than anyone else that I wouldn't have wanted you to wait for me and besides, if you did then none of you would have survived and then we really wouldn't be able to see each other again. The point is that I don't want you to feel guilty about any of it. [her words and even the emotional tone of her voice are not unlike what she tried to tell him over the radio and now that she is able to tell him in person, she hopes she is able to at least get through to him about that]
I don't know how much I told you before about surviving Praimfaya before if at all. [she figures that between being here before that is probably why they weren't questioning her as much on how she survived either not fully aware that it was another reason entirely they wouldn't have heard the full story. she pauses for a moment taking in another deep breathe to prepare herself for what she is about to admit to next] It had been two months for me though.
Two months since I last saw you before coming here and that probably sounds like it's barely anything compared to your two years we haven't seen each other but I really missed you. [technically not something she has said to him before but it was the truth either way and she wanted him to know that much at least]
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it sounds like he's about to argue with her and for a moment she does think he's literally going to push her away but she is glad that he doesn't. instead he seems to elaborate about the two years he was on the ring to how he felt losing her all over again in this place and she can't help but find that more than anything his feelings seem to mirror her own while she was on the ground. she had half expected that as one of the possibilities the reason he was avoiding her but hearing it out loud, it only seems to confirm for her what she had always known that her radio calls never do get through despite how she still does it out of habit everyday. she does relax slightly when he squeezes her hand in return but hearing his apology, she just shakes her head and looks up toward as she focuses her glance on him again once again] I didn't think it was because you didn't care but you have nothing to apologize to me for. I didn't think I was going to make it either probably well before that but you remember that conversation we had back in Becca's lab?
[she gives him a half smile at that as she remembers their last real conversation they had, the same one she had meant for as a goodbye at the same time] It turns out you were right all along. I mean, considering you had more hope that the Nightblood solution would work and that nothing would happen to me more than I did.
I think that was one of the first things I thought of when I realized I wasn't going to die after all while wondering if all of you did make it too. [it probably speaks volumes in itself because if anything his words from that definitely had an impact of her too if he happens to pick up on that.] I'm sorry that I wasn't able to make it back in time, to be there with the rest of you but Bellamy— you have to know I don't blame you for not waiting. You did what you had to do and I couldn't be more proud of you for it.
[her expression softens slightly as she just tightens her grip on his hands again as a gesture of reassurance enforcing that she meant word she just said] You know better than anyone else that I wouldn't have wanted you to wait for me and besides, if you did then none of you would have survived and then we really wouldn't be able to see each other again. The point is that I don't want you to feel guilty about any of it. [her words and even the emotional tone of her voice are not unlike what she tried to tell him over the radio and now that she is able to tell him in person, she hopes she is able to at least get through to him about that]
I don't know how much I told you before about surviving Praimfaya before if at all. [she figures that between being here before that is probably why they weren't questioning her as much on how she survived either not fully aware that it was another reason entirely they wouldn't have heard the full story. she pauses for a moment taking in another deep breathe to prepare herself for what she is about to admit to next] It had been two months for me though.
Two months since I last saw you before coming here and that probably sounds like it's barely anything compared to your two years we haven't seen each other but I really missed you. [technically not something she has said to him before but it was the truth either way and she wanted him to know that much at least]