[ Maybe he feels like he needs to blame someone, to hold someone accountable, and he certainly can't blame Clarke. It's so easy to blame himself because he's been doing that for years over various moments in his life.

Still, he appreciates her trying to absolve him. She's a good friend. ]

I haven't told her how close we got... I can't. [ He knows that makes him seem like a coward, but he'll take that label. Besides, the more time passes, the more he knows Clarke is gonna be pissed at him for keeping it from her. He'd rather just pretend everything is normal between them, even though he's sure Clarke suspects something. ]

I can't explain something to her I don't really know how to put into words. [ What he had with Clarke was undefinable. They never even talked about what they were to each other when she remembered. ] All I know is... I can't go back to that place we were at. Not when something like this could happen again. [ He's lost her so many times now, he doesn't think his heart could handle a repeat. ]