I'll message him later, I promise. [ He'd be too emotional to thank Lincoln to his face. Only Octavia and Emma get to see this side of him in person.
He doesn't seem surprised to hear she still thinks about their mom a lot. Not much time has passed for her since their mother's death, whereas it's been years for him. ]
I dream about her sometimes. [ He might not be thinking about her during the day, but she'll enter his mind when he's asleep. He holds Octavia a little longer. ] Sometimes we talk, sometimes she just strokes my face... [ They're the most peaceful dreams he has. ] As long as thinking about her doesn't stop you from being happy, there's nothing wrong with her being on your mind every day.
[ she doubts Lincoln expects or even wants any acknowledgment from Bellamy. it's clear to her that she's the reason why he did this, and the talk they had after helped her to realize that maybe she needed this. there wasn't any closure for her after her mom died; she was just gone, while Octavia was locked away.
she gives Bellamy an affectionate squeeze before easing back to give them both a little space, reaching up to wipe the tears from her eyes.]
Sometimes thinking of her makes me happy. Sometimes I just miss her.
[ her dreams used to be nightmares, but now it's more likely that she's conscious and aware of her own thoughts.]
[ Bellamy lets out a breath as he leans back against the couch. He's still holding the picture - he never let it go even while hugging her, as though it might disappear once he does - but his gaze is on her. ]
What do you miss the most about her? [ Other than missing having a parent in her life, he wants to know the little details. Maybe there are details he's forgotten over the years. Maybe he misses her for the same reasons. ]
I miss all the things she used to teach me. [ it was hard to keep a kid busy on the Ark, especially someone like Octavia just naturally had more energy than she knew what to do with. but there was so much she'd learned from her mother, from little things like tying her shoes as a kid to helping her with her sewing projects as she got older.]
She was patient, even when I made mistakes. [ as long as she stayed quiet, her mother didn't care how long it took her to learn what she needed to do.]
I definitely didn't inherit mom's patience. [ He snorts, though he has acquired it as he's gotten older. ]
Does you learning as much as possible here remind you of mom? [ Riding a motorbike, learning magic... Maybe she does it to keep herself busy, to distract her from her grief and anger about being where they are, but it could be about making their mom proud too. ]
Neither of us did. [ patient if her life depends on it, maybe. but never any other time.]
Sometimes. Sometimes I wonder what she'd do if she was with us. [ it's not about this place, it's the possibilities of a world where they're not confined to a space station or struggling to survive on the ground. would she have time for hobbies? would she be happy?]
[ Once upon a time Bellamy wasn't even patient even when his life depended on it. ]
It would have been nice to have seen her find love with someone. [ Not that finding love should be the key to happiness, but she deserved a love like his and Emma's, not the experiences with guards she put herself through for the sake of her children's futures. ]
Not that I'd think any person would be good enough for her, but you know. [ He manages a smile. Maybe he would have come round to accepting her in a relationship the same way he's warmed to Lincoln. ]
Yeah, it would. [ it would have been good to see her trust someone other than them. she never had another person to confide in, or someone to hold her the way Lincoln does when Octavia's trying not to fall apart.
maybe love isn't the key to happiness, but it's a part of it.]
If they could handle us, we'd know they were good enough for her.
[ Bellamy nods in agreement. They're a force to be reckoned with when they're on the same side. ]
Even though it was just her, she was still enough. [ He never felt like he needed a father figure. Maybe he would have turned out differently if they'd had one, but he never felt jealous of other kids whose father was present in their lives. His mom gave him more than enough love to make up for the lack of another parent. ]
Mom always made me feel like I was special because I had what no one else did on the Ark... You.
Yeah. [ Octavia never felt like anything was missing. she had her mom and her brother and she never needed anything else. the things she was curious about; having freedom, having friends - weren't possible for her and her mom always made sure she knew it. but in their family, she never wanted more than what she had.
but she still looks up, a little surprised at Bellamy's words. having a sister meant there was a lot he couldn't do, or couldn't have.]
[ Bellamy just shrugs. He's never felt resentment towards Octavia for his responsibilities as an older brother. Why would he? He loves her. ]
It never felt like a lot. [ Giving up his time to keep her company, giving up a fraction of his food for her... They were never huge sacrifices to him. ]
I gained more than I ever lost. [ And he's gained so much by being here. Maybe more than he thinks he deserves. ]
[ he never thought about having anything different. just like she never thought about their family being more than what they were.
eventually she'll tease him about this mature, patient man he's grown into. in the moment, she just gets quiet and slides over to rest her head against his shoulder.]
[ Her resting her head against his shoulder reminds him how young she is. He wishes she could stay this age forever - but he's had that very same thought back when she was small enough for piggybacks.
He rests his cheek against the top of her head. ] I do, but I still mean it.
[ He focuses on the photo again. ] My hair was a lot tidier on the Ark, wasn't it?
[ Regular haircuts from their mother and her either reminding him to brush his hair or doing it herself after hearing him lie about doing it, meant his hair was much more under control back then. ]
I never said I missed it. [ It suited him at that age. He likes to think his wilder hair suits his rugged look.
(If he were talking to Emma right now, he'd probably make a joke about how he was a clean boy back then, but now he's a filthy man. Fortunately, he doesn't share that joke with Octavia for obvious reasons.) ]
You should see Emma's face when I joke about shaving my beard. [ He can't wait to show her the picture later, even if he does make him emotional all over again. ]
[ Not that he cares much. The opinions of those closest to him are the ones that matter to him the most and they know he's not doing it to see naked or almost nude people at work. ]
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He doesn't seem surprised to hear she still thinks about their mom a lot. Not much time has passed for her since their mother's death, whereas it's been years for him. ]
I dream about her sometimes. [ He might not be thinking about her during the day, but she'll enter his mind when he's asleep. He holds Octavia a little longer. ] Sometimes we talk, sometimes she just strokes my face... [ They're the most peaceful dreams he has. ] As long as thinking about her doesn't stop you from being happy, there's nothing wrong with her being on your mind every day.
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she gives Bellamy an affectionate squeeze before easing back to give them both a little space, reaching up to wipe the tears from her eyes.]
Sometimes thinking of her makes me happy. Sometimes I just miss her.
[ her dreams used to be nightmares, but now it's more likely that she's conscious and aware of her own thoughts.]
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What do you miss the most about her? [ Other than missing having a parent in her life, he wants to know the little details. Maybe there are details he's forgotten over the years. Maybe he misses her for the same reasons. ]
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She was patient, even when I made mistakes. [ as long as she stayed quiet, her mother didn't care how long it took her to learn what she needed to do.]
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Does you learning as much as possible here remind you of mom? [ Riding a motorbike, learning magic... Maybe she does it to keep herself busy, to distract her from her grief and anger about being where they are, but it could be about making their mom proud too. ]
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Sometimes. Sometimes I wonder what she'd do if she was with us. [ it's not about this place, it's the possibilities of a world where they're not confined to a space station or struggling to survive on the ground. would she have time for hobbies? would she be happy?]
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It would have been nice to have seen her find love with someone. [ Not that finding love should be the key to happiness, but she deserved a love like his and Emma's, not the experiences with guards she put herself through for the sake of her children's futures. ]
Not that I'd think any person would be good enough for her, but you know. [ He manages a smile. Maybe he would have come round to accepting her in a relationship the same way he's warmed to Lincoln. ]
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maybe love isn't the key to happiness, but it's a part of it.]
If they could handle us, we'd know they were good enough for her.
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Even though it was just her, she was still enough. [ He never felt like he needed a father figure. Maybe he would have turned out differently if they'd had one, but he never felt jealous of other kids whose father was present in their lives. His mom gave him more than enough love to make up for the lack of another parent. ]
Mom always made me feel like I was special because I had what no one else did on the Ark... You.
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but she still looks up, a little surprised at Bellamy's words. having a sister meant there was a lot he couldn't do, or couldn't have.]
There was a lot you had to give up because of me.
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It never felt like a lot. [ Giving up his time to keep her company, giving up a fraction of his food for her... They were never huge sacrifices to him. ]
I gained more than I ever lost. [ And he's gained so much by being here. Maybe more than he thinks he deserves. ]
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eventually she'll tease him about this mature, patient man he's grown into. in the moment, she just gets quiet and slides over to rest her head against his shoulder.]
You have to say that.
[ it's a joke. it just lacks conviction.]
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He rests his cheek against the top of her head. ] I do, but I still mean it.
[ He focuses on the photo again. ] My hair was a lot tidier on the Ark, wasn't it?
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You miss it, you could always go back. Maybe get a haircut...
[ but he's not that kid anymore, is he?]
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I never said I missed it. [ It suited him at that age. He likes to think his wilder hair suits his rugged look.
(If he were talking to Emma right now, he'd probably make a joke about how he was a clean boy back then, but now he's a filthy man. Fortunately, he doesn't share that joke with Octavia for obvious reasons.) ]
You should see Emma's face when I joke about shaving my beard. [ He can't wait to show her the picture later, even if he does make him emotional all over again. ]
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You'd look younger than me if you did it.
[ she grins, because it's been a long time since Bellamy looked that young. she's been here almost a year now.]
Mom just kept it short because she wanted you on the guard.
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I wonder what she'd think of me owning a strip club. [ He has to laugh. ] At least it's more impressive than being a janitor.
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[ but let's never find out.]
She'd get it. [ she shrugs, because it's no big deal.] This is the world we live in - for now, anyway. You're making what you want of it.
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[ Not that he cares much. The opinions of those closest to him are the ones that matter to him the most and they know he's not doing it to see naked or almost nude people at work. ]
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[ he won't, problem solved. it's pretty easy to tell when someone is doing it for their own reasons.]