Oh, that's— [clarke hadn't meant to say that aloud but she does smile back and in remembering they were still holding hands, she lets her fingers brush against his while gently squeezing his hand again] I kind of got into the habit of keeping count so that I wouldn't lose track of time. [there were times that days happened to blur together for her especially when she was running low on food and water feeling like she wasn't going to make it. between keeping count though and calling bellamy everyday it was what kept her moving forward.
it was inevitable hearing bellamy apologize to her about never hearing her radio calls and she had expected as much because she knew he'd feel bad but in looking towards him, she tries to reassure him that it was okay and that she got through this all because of him] Bellamy. It's not your fault, you don't have to apologize for that either. Maybe it didn't reach you but just talking to you helped even if I had to pretend sometimes that you were listening on the other end.
[clarke was kind of relieved though that he didn't tell her she was crazy or having those one sided conversation on the radio with him at least and she can't help but laughing though when he jokes about her talking to a pet rock instead] Yeah. I guess that would definitely be crazy, huh?
Just a little. [ He gets this pleased look on his face for bringing a laugh out of her, before realizing he's probably held her hand a little too long. It's dangerous territory - falling back into old habits with her - and he slowly pulls his hand away, not so fast that she'll think anything is wrong, but so he can push himself up from the bench to stand, his hands on his hips. ]
I probably stink. I'm gonna hit the shower... [ She might be willing to wait for him, so they can talk more after, but when Bellamy glances at his watch, he sees it's later than he expected it to be. ] Then I should probably head home, I promised Emma I'd cook tonight...
[ He recognizes he used the word 'home' which she might find weird. This isn't their home, but his apartment with Emma is almost like a comfort spot for him. It's a small slice of what having a normal life would feel like, when you ignore everything that's happening outside of it. ] 'Home' is quicker to say than 'apartment with my Dominant', you know? [ He shouldn't feel like he needs to justify his words, but he does anyway. ]
Hopefully it doesn't get to that point. [she huffs another laugh, giving slight shake of her head because she has a feeling that talking to bellamy over the radio is a habit that she would probably stick with regardless of whether he could hear her. it's not a moment later that she feels bellamy suddenly pull back, she immediately notices the lack of contact while at the same time realizing she was probably holding his hand too long so she doesn't pick up on that being something else that was wrong outside what she was confronting him about.
she watches as he stands up, looking at the time as though he has somewhere to be and his words it only confirms it. she does find it a bit weird with his comment about needing a shower, cooking dinner for emma and even heading homebut for completely different reasons. it was ironic how there were days or weeks that went by where they hardly had the chance to shower or even get a proper meal in between everything that was going on and yet here they they all these modern conveniences at their fingertips] It's okay— I get it. It's just weird, you know— with how normal all this sounds.
Normal? What's that? [ Such a dad joke, but he can't help himself. ]
The values of this city shouldn't be the norm for us. [ He's made friends here he'd die for but he's still very much against the society they've been forced to be a part of, and he's sure Clarke is too. ] But there are moments of peaceful normality here.
[ Maybe that doesn't apply to everyone, maybe he just surrounds himself with the right people to feel that way, but it's how he feels. It's just when shit hits the fan, it really hits the fan. ]
[clarke does laugh slightly at his joke while she moves to stand up because normal is something that is such a foreign concept for them] You know what I mean— I wasn't referring to the values of the city, more like everything else outside of that.
[because if you take away that aspect of how this society operates, it seems just like a normal city where they can do normal things] Normal compared to the alternative back home. [will she be okay? she kind of doubts it because it still terrifies her knowing that outside of this place that going back she will be faced with the being on her own and the loneliness that comes along with it while she tries to survive what's left of the world for at least six years]
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it was inevitable hearing bellamy apologize to her about never hearing her radio calls and she had expected as much because she knew he'd feel bad but in looking towards him, she tries to reassure him that it was okay and that she got through this all because of him] Bellamy. It's not your fault, you don't have to apologize for that either. Maybe it didn't reach you but just talking to you helped even if I had to pretend sometimes that you were listening on the other end.
[clarke was kind of relieved though that he didn't tell her she was crazy or having those one sided conversation on the radio with him at least and she can't help but laughing though when he jokes about her talking to a pet rock instead] Yeah. I guess that would definitely be crazy, huh?
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I probably stink. I'm gonna hit the shower... [ She might be willing to wait for him, so they can talk more after, but when Bellamy glances at his watch, he sees it's later than he expected it to be. ] Then I should probably head home, I promised Emma I'd cook tonight...
[ He recognizes he used the word 'home' which she might find weird. This isn't their home, but his apartment with Emma is almost like a comfort spot for him. It's a small slice of what having a normal life would feel like, when you ignore everything that's happening outside of it. ] 'Home' is quicker to say than 'apartment with my Dominant', you know? [ He shouldn't feel like he needs to justify his words, but he does anyway. ]
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she watches as he stands up, looking at the time as though he has somewhere to be and his words it only confirms it. she does find it a bit weird with his comment about needing a shower, cooking dinner for emma and even heading homebut for completely different reasons. it was ironic how there were days or weeks that went by where they hardly had the chance to shower or even get a proper meal in between everything that was going on and yet here they they all these modern conveniences at their fingertips] It's okay— I get it. It's just weird, you know— with how normal all this sounds.
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The values of this city shouldn't be the norm for us. [ He's made friends here he'd die for but he's still very much against the society they've been forced to be a part of, and he's sure Clarke is too. ] But there are moments of peaceful normality here.
[ Maybe that doesn't apply to everyone, maybe he just surrounds himself with the right people to feel that way, but it's how he feels. It's just when shit hits the fan, it really hits the fan. ]
Just keep your guard up and you'll be okay.
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[because if you take away that aspect of how this society operates, it seems just like a normal city where they can do normal things] Normal compared to the alternative back home. [will she be okay? she kind of doubts it because it still terrifies her knowing that outside of this place that going back she will be faced with the being on her own and the loneliness that comes along with it while she tries to survive what's left of the world for at least six years]