Right, your dork of a sister. We met in a shower. [ Stranger first meetings have happened. ]
Anyway, see you later.
[ A couple of hours later, Bellamy is sat on a bar stool at The 13th Step, waiting for Wynonna to finish pouring someone a drink. He could probably catch another bartender's attention to be served but like she said, she's his favorite and really, he's here for her, so he just sits and waits. He's a patient man. ]
[ They'd agreed on a nebulous time, so she's expecting him at some point over the course of her shift, but she must get distracted somehow, a rush or something along similar lines, because by the time she looks up next and scans the room for him there he is, sitting a few stools down towards the opposite end of the bar and glancing right back in her direction.
And she smiles, because it's impossible not to with him, especially when she thinks about how much time has passed since they first met exactly like this — and she makes her way over to him, stopping in front of where he's seated and looking him over. ]
[ He fakes a wince at the S-word. ] It's not been that long... [ No sooner do those words come out of his mouth does he change his mind. ] No, you're probably right to call me that.
[ And he smiles back at her because like her, he's reminded of when they first met where they are, talking like old friends after just one night. In fact, he's pretty sure he's sat on the exact same bar stool. It feels a little like déjà vu, but it also feels like a lot has changed since then. ]
You look good. [ He wonders if being reunited with her sister has something to do with it - having her as support here. ]
Hasn't it? [ She tilts her head, feigning confusion, but he's already there to supply further concession along those lines and she ducks her head to hide a brief grin. She won't be the one to guilt him for too long over it, though, because no matter how much time they spend apart, somehow they always manage to reconnect like this, as if barely any hours have passed at all.
Besides, they've got a lot to catch up on over drinks anyway, so that's one reason to let more time pass between talks. She offers an idle shrug in response to that compliment, not sure if she can attribute any part of that to something in particular — but she's happy these days, and that can definitely be blamed on one person specifically. ]
[ It's true - Bellamy has friends in his life he has been separated from (or can be) for the longest time, but when they reunite it's like they were never apart. And Wynonna is one of them. ]
I must have caught a tan during that hotel vacation. [ He jokes with a snort. He's definitely better than he was weeks ago. He has his Dominant to thank for that, for supporting him through a difficult time. ]
You sure you wanna know what's been going on with me? It's a little depressing in parts. [ He manages a smile despite saying that, making himself more comfortable by resting his elbows against the bar. ] Still got time to back out.
Sure, but it was the fun kind without any tanlines to speak of whatsoever, right? [ It could be that she's feeling more prone to teasing him because they haven't seen each other in a while; she's got plenty of fuel stored up in her ribbing reserves, and she's clearly been waiting for the opportunity to break into them a little more.
But her expression sobers slightly when he mentions it hasn't all been literal sunshine, and she props herself forward similarly, bracing one hand against the bartop to bear her weight. ]
Hey, sometimes you've just gotta rip off that Band-Aid. Don't worry, I've got just the thing to help us get through it. [ She fishes around behind the bar for a beat and then comes up with a bottle of whiskey, plunking it down between them. ] For when shit gets tough.
I don't know what you mean... [ More like she couldn't be closer to the truth and no amount of looking and sounding innocent is going to tell her otherwise. But moving on from "tanning" at the hotel, he focuses on the bottle of whiskey she sets down in front of him with a familiar smile. ]
So we meet again. [ He addresses the whiskey fondly, deciding to start at the beginning while she pours. ] So I lost a few friends before and after Fort Harmony happened - I say lost, I mean they were sent home... And I guess the hardest person for me to lose was Clarke.
[ He, Wynonna and Clarke may have never had a conversation between the three of them, but he's sure Wynonna had observed his and Clarke's interactions in public at certain events, or even at the bar. You had to be blind not to see he smiled the widest around Clarke and they'd been all over each other. ]
She was gone for about a month... but she came back. [ And obviously there's a catch here because if it had been a happy reunion, he wouldn't have given her that warning earlier. ]
[ She sets to work on pouring, fishing out two glasses after reaching for that bottle; maybe she'll give his a slightly heavier pour than hers considering she's technically on the clock, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have her listening ears on. In fact, she's probably better-qualified for that since she won't be drinking as much.
But his words prompt a reminder for her too, one that she hasn't exactly tampered down since returning from the fort — but she's in a different place now than she was then, before she'd almost lost the one person she'd realized she felt the most deeply for. ] Yeah. Yeah, I — lost a few people too, around then. Some of them never came back at all. [ But one of them had, after living out an entire year apart from this place; a week had only passed for her here but it had been just enough time to convince her that he'd been dead or gone for good.
And based on Bellamy's tone, his reunion had been even more mixed than hers was, especially considering what she'd noticed between the two of them several times. ]
She's from a different time. Or a place than she was before. And she doesn't remember being here, right? [ She'd learned as much for herself before, with Frank; even if his memories had come back when he had, he'd forgotten everything when he'd disappeared. ]
I'm sorry. [ He comments on the losses she's experienced too, reaching for her hand across the bar to squeeze it. He knows how hard it is to lose people and he hates that she's been put through the wringer as well.
He knew Wynonna would figure it out, but he wasn't expecting her to say it with such accuracy, in a way that makes him think she's been through the same thing or something similar. ]
Yeah. Like those months she spent here - [ being with me, growing closer than we've ever been ] - never happened.
[ Sometimes it feels like he imagined it all, like it was just some long daydream he was having. Nothing more than delusions he desired without the threat of war and dying getting in their way, until a reality check woke him up. Reality made him see he didn't deserve Clarke - didn't deserve happiness with her - and maybe the reason she didn't remember was because it was never meant to happen in the first place, the city's way of erasing a mistake. ]
You know how that feels? [ He's quiet when he asks that, like he doesn't want to bring up bad memories for her but needing someone to tell him that it was okay to be upset as he was, having felt the same pain. ]
I don't wanna say it's something you get used to, but — when you've been here as long as I have, it kinda goes with the territory. [ She never thought she'd have to make a list for this place, a unique set of names of those she's lost, but she's had to add to it over the months she's been here.
So far, though, none of them have come back the way Clarke has, returned with no memory of the time she'd been here before — and she honestly can't decide what would be worse, to be reunited with an old friend who can't remember you at all or to realize you'll never see them again. There's a grateful smile on her lips, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes, even if she does turn her wrist so that her hand more closely interlocks with Bellamy's, fingertips a light press at the underside of his wrist. ]
Yeah. Not exactly, but — someone I know, someone I met here, he disappeared right after we left the fort. After the explosion. I thought he'd been taken, or worse in the chaos of it all, but it turned out he'd just gone home. He vanished for a week, but he lived out a whole year in his own world, and when he got back, a lot of things were... different. He told me he'd had no memory of being here the entire time he was gone. Everything that we — that he'd done here — forgotten in an instant.
[ She's tried not to dwell too much on what that means, that if or when she has to go back to Purgatory it means erasing the memories of the people she's come to know and care about here, forgetting everything and everyone she can't take with her. It means she's tried to cling that much harder to those people, knowing the inevitable. ] It all came back to him when he did, but — something happens to the ones who disappear, who go back. Even if it's only for a little while. Even if they were here before. It's really put a lot of things into perspective for me, lately, realizing that the same thing could happen to me.
[ It's not an idea Bellamy wants to dwell on either because the thought of going home and just forgetting people like Wynonna and Emma exist? It actually makes him feel physically ill.
The difference between him and Wynonna is that rather than cling to the people he's afraid of losing, he's distanced himself from them, most of all Clarke. Emma is an exception, though. He hasn't quite realized that during his mission to protect his heart from getting hurt again, he forgot to include his Dominant, and now they're closer than ever.
He lets a gulp of whiskey hit the back of his throat, then - ]
Why do you think his memories came back and not Clarke's? [ He shouldn't be asking her that, like she's some kind of memory expert here, and after swallowing down a lump in his throat - ] What do you think I did wrong?
[ Because obviously he did something wrong, for his situation to have occurred differently to hers. Somehow it has to be his fault. ]
I don't know. [ She whispers it more than anything, a quietly hushed admission that makes her feel more helpless about the whole situation than she'd honestly prefer, but her hand tightens a little harder on Bellamy's when he asks that question, thickly voiced. ]
Oh God, Bell, don't — you can't think about it like that, alright? [ She ducks her head down, trying to meet his eyes, her own expression softening visibly from one of more thought to concern, worry that he's piling the blame on the wrong person. Tthe truth is she doesn't really know where the fault lies, but she does know it's not with him or even with Clarke for that matter. ]
You didn't do anything wrong. [ Her voice is still quiet, but firmly insistent, and she gives his hand another tug. ] I promise.
[ Maybe he feels like he needs to blame someone, to hold someone accountable, and he certainly can't blame Clarke. It's so easy to blame himself because he's been doing that for years over various moments in his life.
Still, he appreciates her trying to absolve him. She's a good friend. ]
I haven't told her how close we got... I can't. [ He knows that makes him seem like a coward, but he'll take that label. Besides, the more time passes, the more he knows Clarke is gonna be pissed at him for keeping it from her. He'd rather just pretend everything is normal between them, even though he's sure Clarke suspects something. ]
I can't explain something to her I don't really know how to put into words. [ What he had with Clarke was undefinable. They never even talked about what they were to each other when she remembered. ] All I know is... I can't go back to that place we were at. Not when something like this could happen again. [ He's lost her so many times now, he doesn't think his heart could handle a repeat. ]
[ It's just another reminder of what being here does to people, and she thinks back on what she'd said to Frank once, after waking up to find he'd come back after all: this place takes so much from us; we can't let it take this too. But he hadn't been the first friend she'd lost, the first person who'd meant something to her, and if she allowed herself to believe that any of it had been her fault, she'd be taking up permanent residence in Wallowville. She can't let that happen to Bellamy, either. ]
Look, I get it. If I were in your position, I'm not sure I'd say anything about it either. [ Especially with memory loss involved, the situation is trickier than it already is, but she also has the sneaking feeling that the longer he waits to say anything, the worse it could get if that secret eventually slips out. ]
It's like someone just hit the reset button. [ Or so she assumes, given that Bellamy's all but said he's been trying to keep his distance. ] But maybe... you don't think you owe it to her to be honest? To say that you were close before, even if you don't go into every single detail?
I'm using this thread for ac so would appreciate any boomeranging <3
It's exactly like that. [ He agrees with her reset analogy. When she suggests he might owe Clarke the truth though, it just makes him feel guiltier than he already feels.
He rakes a hand through his hair with a sigh. It's not like he hasn't imagined how the conversation could play out, but every way it could go doesn't lead to a happy ending. It his mind, it only leads to more pain and misery. ]
If you were her, would you want to know? [ He knows she's not Clarke but he's curious about her perspective on this. ] Imagine you have missing memories - then out of nowhere, one of your closest friends tells you that you had an intimate relationship for months. And say you wanna recreate what you had, but your friend doesn't because... he's using his head over his heart, like you told him. Head over heart to survive.
[ That's not exactly what Clarke told him, she just said to use his head more and not just his heart to lead, but that's how he interpreted her words in space. ]
[ Her hand slips free of his, but she only goes as far as curling her fingers around the base of her own glass, gaze briefly dropping towards the contents — and maybe she uses taking a sip from it as an excuse to mull over Bellamy's question, trying to decide what she would want if it was her in the situation.
It's a tough one with seemingly no right answer in sight, and she doesn't need to say that part out loud because she knows he's been in it already, weighing how to handle this and still uncertain on how best to move forward. ]
I don't — I don't know. [ And that's the most honest answer she can give right off the bat, especially when she hasn't had as much time to think about this as Bellamy has. She sets her glass down, but keeps her hand wrapped around it. ] But is that what it's about for you here? Just surviving? Even after everything?
[ She presses her lips into a firm line, an expression of deep consideration falling over her features. ] Wouldn't keeping the truth from her be worse if she ever finds out about it somewhere down the line?
[ He knows he's thought about it a lot. Probably too much, if he's honest. If his heart ruled his head like before, he would have told her everything the first day of her return.
'I don't know' was the answer he was most afraid of hearing. Either a no or a yes could have helped influence him - not that he holds it against her for not knowing how she'd react. It's a damn confusing, complicated situation to be in. Or maybe he's just making it more complicated than it needs to be by approaching the situation rationally. ]
Maybe not all the time... [ Maybe there are moments with Emma where it feels like the closest thing to a normal life on the ground he never got to experience back home, without guns, without fighting, with a whole lot of affection from her (more than he thinks he deserves) - and it's living, not surviving. ] But sometimes it's hard to switch off survival mode.
[ He snorts a little at the last of what she says. ] Oh, I'm counting on that. But then I'm used to things blowing up in my face catastrophically. [ He manages a smile, like at least he sees the humor in his misfortune. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
!!!!! ❤
Sorry it's been too long. Things got complicated at my end, you know?
You okay?
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And by that I mean your face, over drinks, very soon.
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Is tonight too soon? I can drop by the bar.
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Not in the least little bit. I'll be there.
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My face will be there, as requested.
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Fingers crossed the rest of you shows up with it.
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I'm expecting a Wynonna Earp life update too.
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Yeah, I guess you could say one or two things have happened since I saw you last.
text > action
Anyway, see you later.
[ A couple of hours later, Bellamy is sat on a bar stool at The 13th Step, waiting for Wynonna to finish pouring someone a drink. He could probably catch another bartender's attention to be served but like she said, she's his favorite and really, he's here for her, so he just sits and waits. He's a patient man. ]
action;
And she smiles, because it's impossible not to with him, especially when she thinks about how much time has passed since they first met exactly like this — and she makes her way over to him, stopping in front of where he's seated and looking him over. ]
Hey, stranger.
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[ And he smiles back at her because like her, he's reminded of when they first met where they are, talking like old friends after just one night. In fact, he's pretty sure he's sat on the exact same bar stool. It feels a little like déjà vu, but it also feels like a lot has changed since then. ]
You look good. [ He wonders if being reunited with her sister has something to do with it - having her as support here. ]
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Besides, they've got a lot to catch up on over drinks anyway, so that's one reason to let more time pass between talks. She offers an idle shrug in response to that compliment, not sure if she can attribute any part of that to something in particular — but she's happy these days, and that can definitely be blamed on one person specifically. ]
You too. You been getting some sun lately?
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I must have caught a tan during that hotel vacation. [ He jokes with a snort. He's definitely better than he was weeks ago. He has his Dominant to thank for that, for supporting him through a difficult time. ]
You sure you wanna know what's been going on with me? It's a little depressing in parts. [ He manages a smile despite saying that, making himself more comfortable by resting his elbows against the bar. ] Still got time to back out.
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But her expression sobers slightly when he mentions it hasn't all been literal sunshine, and she props herself forward similarly, bracing one hand against the bartop to bear her weight. ]
Hey, sometimes you've just gotta rip off that Band-Aid. Don't worry, I've got just the thing to help us get through it. [ She fishes around behind the bar for a beat and then comes up with a bottle of whiskey, plunking it down between them. ] For when shit gets tough.
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So we meet again. [ He addresses the whiskey fondly, deciding to start at the beginning while she pours. ] So I lost a few friends before and after Fort Harmony happened - I say lost, I mean they were sent home... And I guess the hardest person for me to lose was Clarke.
[ He, Wynonna and Clarke may have never had a conversation between the three of them, but he's sure Wynonna had observed his and Clarke's interactions in public at certain events, or even at the bar. You had to be blind not to see he smiled the widest around Clarke and they'd been all over each other. ]
She was gone for about a month... but she came back. [ And obviously there's a catch here because if it had been a happy reunion, he wouldn't have given her that warning earlier. ]
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But his words prompt a reminder for her too, one that she hasn't exactly tampered down since returning from the fort — but she's in a different place now than she was then, before she'd almost lost the one person she'd realized she felt the most deeply for. ] Yeah. Yeah, I — lost a few people too, around then. Some of them never came back at all. [ But one of them had, after living out an entire year apart from this place; a week had only passed for her here but it had been just enough time to convince her that he'd been dead or gone for good.
And based on Bellamy's tone, his reunion had been even more mixed than hers was, especially considering what she'd noticed between the two of them several times. ]
She's from a different time. Or a place than she was before. And she doesn't remember being here, right? [ She'd learned as much for herself before, with Frank; even if his memories had come back when he had, he'd forgotten everything when he'd disappeared. ]
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He knew Wynonna would figure it out, but he wasn't expecting her to say it with such accuracy, in a way that makes him think she's been through the same thing or something similar. ]
Yeah. Like those months she spent here - [ being with me, growing closer than we've ever been ] - never happened.
[ Sometimes it feels like he imagined it all, like it was just some long daydream he was having. Nothing more than delusions he desired without the threat of war and dying getting in their way, until a reality check woke him up. Reality made him see he didn't deserve Clarke - didn't deserve happiness with her - and maybe the reason she didn't remember was because it was never meant to happen in the first place, the city's way of erasing a mistake. ]
You know how that feels? [ He's quiet when he asks that, like he doesn't want to bring up bad memories for her but needing someone to tell him that it was okay to be upset as he was, having felt the same pain. ]
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So far, though, none of them have come back the way Clarke has, returned with no memory of the time she'd been here before — and she honestly can't decide what would be worse, to be reunited with an old friend who can't remember you at all or to realize you'll never see them again. There's a grateful smile on her lips, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes, even if she does turn her wrist so that her hand more closely interlocks with Bellamy's, fingertips a light press at the underside of his wrist. ]
Yeah. Not exactly, but — someone I know, someone I met here, he disappeared right after we left the fort. After the explosion. I thought he'd been taken, or worse in the chaos of it all, but it turned out he'd just gone home. He vanished for a week, but he lived out a whole year in his own world, and when he got back, a lot of things were... different. He told me he'd had no memory of being here the entire time he was gone. Everything that we — that he'd done here — forgotten in an instant.
[ She's tried not to dwell too much on what that means, that if or when she has to go back to Purgatory it means erasing the memories of the people she's come to know and care about here, forgetting everything and everyone she can't take with her. It means she's tried to cling that much harder to those people, knowing the inevitable. ] It all came back to him when he did, but — something happens to the ones who disappear, who go back. Even if it's only for a little while. Even if they were here before. It's really put a lot of things into perspective for me, lately, realizing that the same thing could happen to me.
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The difference between him and Wynonna is that rather than cling to the people he's afraid of losing, he's distanced himself from them, most of all Clarke. Emma is an exception, though. He hasn't quite realized that during his mission to protect his heart from getting hurt again, he forgot to include his Dominant, and now they're closer than ever.
He lets a gulp of whiskey hit the back of his throat, then - ]
Why do you think his memories came back and not Clarke's? [ He shouldn't be asking her that, like she's some kind of memory expert here, and after swallowing down a lump in his throat - ] What do you think I did wrong?
[ Because obviously he did something wrong, for his situation to have occurred differently to hers. Somehow it has to be his fault. ]
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Oh God, Bell, don't — you can't think about it like that, alright? [ She ducks her head down, trying to meet his eyes, her own expression softening visibly from one of more thought to concern, worry that he's piling the blame on the wrong person. Tthe truth is she doesn't really know where the fault lies, but she does know it's not with him or even with Clarke for that matter. ]
You didn't do anything wrong. [ Her voice is still quiet, but firmly insistent, and she gives his hand another tug. ] I promise.
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Still, he appreciates her trying to absolve him. She's a good friend. ]
I haven't told her how close we got... I can't. [ He knows that makes him seem like a coward, but he'll take that label. Besides, the more time passes, the more he knows Clarke is gonna be pissed at him for keeping it from her. He'd rather just pretend everything is normal between them, even though he's sure Clarke suspects something. ]
I can't explain something to her I don't really know how to put into words. [ What he had with Clarke was undefinable. They never even talked about what they were to each other when she remembered. ] All I know is... I can't go back to that place we were at. Not when something like this could happen again. [ He's lost her so many times now, he doesn't think his heart could handle a repeat. ]
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Look, I get it. If I were in your position, I'm not sure I'd say anything about it either. [ Especially with memory loss involved, the situation is trickier than it already is, but she also has the sneaking feeling that the longer he waits to say anything, the worse it could get if that secret eventually slips out. ]
It's like someone just hit the reset button. [ Or so she assumes, given that Bellamy's all but said he's been trying to keep his distance. ] But maybe... you don't think you owe it to her to be honest? To say that you were close before, even if you don't go into every single detail?
I'm using this thread for ac so would appreciate any boomeranging <3
He rakes a hand through his hair with a sigh. It's not like he hasn't imagined how the conversation could play out, but every way it could go doesn't lead to a happy ending. It his mind, it only leads to more pain and misery. ]
If you were her, would you want to know? [ He knows she's not Clarke but he's curious about her perspective on this. ] Imagine you have missing memories - then out of nowhere, one of your closest friends tells you that you had an intimate relationship for months. And say you wanna recreate what you had, but your friend doesn't because... he's using his head over his heart, like you told him. Head over heart to survive.
[ That's not exactly what Clarke told him, she just said to use his head more and not just his heart to lead, but that's how he interpreted her words in space. ]
I could ruin an entire friendship with one truth.
i gotchu <3
It's a tough one with seemingly no right answer in sight, and she doesn't need to say that part out loud because she knows he's been in it already, weighing how to handle this and still uncertain on how best to move forward. ]
I don't — I don't know. [ And that's the most honest answer she can give right off the bat, especially when she hasn't had as much time to think about this as Bellamy has. She sets her glass down, but keeps her hand wrapped around it. ] But is that what it's about for you here? Just surviving? Even after everything?
[ She presses her lips into a firm line, an expression of deep consideration falling over her features. ] Wouldn't keeping the truth from her be worse if she ever finds out about it somewhere down the line?
thank u boo
'I don't know' was the answer he was most afraid of hearing. Either a no or a yes could have helped influence him - not that he holds it against her for not knowing how she'd react. It's a damn confusing, complicated situation to be in. Or maybe he's just making it more complicated than it needs to be by approaching the situation rationally. ]
Maybe not all the time... [ Maybe there are moments with Emma where it feels like the closest thing to a normal life on the ground he never got to experience back home, without guns, without fighting, with a whole lot of affection from her (more than he thinks he deserves) - and it's living, not surviving. ] But sometimes it's hard to switch off survival mode.
[ He snorts a little at the last of what she says. ] Oh, I'm counting on that. But then I'm used to things blowing up in my face catastrophically. [ He manages a smile, like at least he sees the humor in his misfortune. ]
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